One of my friends is out on a first date with this girl he met on eHarmony, and I just called him 40 minutes into dinner. Why?

1. If he is having a shitty time and needs a way out, he would pick up the phone, and I would ask him if he wants to get out. If he says yes, I’ll fake a conversation like his mother just had a stroke (or something a little less serious but equally time critical).
2. If he doesn’t pick up, he would still (most likely) look at the phone to see who it is and not answer. 90% of people (note: unsubstantiated) would see this and think “Ah, he has friends,” (especially important with internet dating) or “he’s having a good time because he didn’t answer.” 10% would probably think, “Asshole screens his phone calls.” Odds are in your favor.

Of course, this is far from my specialty, so I should stop writing about it now.

PS Don’t call on movie dates. You’ll make him the “jackass that forgot to turn off his cell phone.”

Labels: dating